Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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