There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
