and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
