**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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