those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize