Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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