You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
