god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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