im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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