Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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