You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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