i was born a porn star she said
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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