this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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