I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
