I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
