I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
