You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
