I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
