I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
