your parents love me but you hate me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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