i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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