i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
