you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
