I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize