i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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