I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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