I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
