I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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