Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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