As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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