dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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