I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
