im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
