Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
