Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cut my penus on the lid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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