Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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