You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize