I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Someone came in the potted fern
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
