At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
