Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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