i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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