I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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