If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
