btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
