Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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