last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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