So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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