Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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