Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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