Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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