I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
