there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize