I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
