my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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