the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
