If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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