A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Shame - the story of my life.
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