we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize