I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
