I'm so fucking centered right now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Boobs speak an international language.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
