for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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