now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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