She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
