I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
