just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
