watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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