so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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