I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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