Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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