Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
