Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize