Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
