Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
