Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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