My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
