she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
