she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize