Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize