when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
