I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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