you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
