So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
