Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
