I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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