I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
