I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
