I am puke
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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