my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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