Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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