I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
