I wish I could punch you in the face.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
