And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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