I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
